How to Start a Pen Pal Friendship (And Why It's One of the Best Things You Can Do)

If you've been curious about finding a pen pal, you're not alone. Letter writing has made a genuine comeback in recent years, and it's not hard to see why. In a world of instant everything, a letter slows things down in the best possible way.

Here's everything you need to know to get started.

Why Pen Pals Are Having a Moment

Writing letters by hand does something that typing simply can't. It's slower, yes, but that's the point. When you sit down to write a letter, you're giving someone your full attention. No notifications, no distractions, no backspace key (well, mostly).

People who write letters regularly often say it helps them process their thoughts, feel more connected, and genuinely look forward to checking the post. It's a small ritual that adds a lot of warmth to everyday life.

How to Find a Pen Pal

The good news is there are plenty of ways to find someone to write to:

Pen pal communities online —

Instagram — Search #penpals or #snailmail and you'll find a whole community of enthusiastic letter writers who post about their correspondence. Many actively look for new pen pals through their profiles.

Friends and family — Don't overlook the people already in your life! A pen pal doesn't have to be a stranger. Writing to a friend who lives interstate, or a grandparent, can be just as meaningful.

What to Write in Your First Letter

This is the part that trips most people up. The blank page can feel a little intimidating, especially when you're writing to someone you don't know yet.

Here's a simple structure that works really well for a first letter:

Introduce yourself warmly. Your name, where you live, and a little about your life — what you do, what you love, what your days look like. Keep it conversational, like you're chatting over a cup of tea.

Share what drew you to letter writing. Did you stumble across someone's snail mail Instagram? Have you always loved stationery? Were you inspired by a book or film? This is a lovely way to find common ground early.

Ask a few questions. Letters are a conversation, so make space for your pen pal to respond. Ask about their favourite books, what their city is like, what they're enjoying at the moment. Three or four genuine questions is plenty.

Keep it to one or two pages. Your first letter doesn't need to cover your entire life story. Leave some things for next time — that's part of the fun.

Making Your Letters Extra Special

Once you've got a pen pal and the letters start flowing, it's lovely to put a little extra care into how your letters look and feel. Some ideas:

Use beautiful paper. Writing on a nice letter writing set makes the whole experience feel more intentional. It doesn't have to be fancy.. just something you actually enjoy writing on.

Seal with wax. A wax seal on the back of an envelope is one of those small details that makes a letter feel genuinely special to receive. If you've never tried wax sealing, it's much easier than it looks and incredibly satisfying.

Tuck in little extras. A pressed flower, a sticker, a small drawing, a tea bag, a bookmark, a vintage postal stamp, a clipping from a magazine. These little inclusions make opening a letter feel like unwrapping a tiny gift.

Choose a stamp thoughtfully. Australia Post releases some beautiful limited edition stamps — matching your stamp to the season or the contents of your letter is a lovely finishing touch.

A Few Things to Keep in Mind

Set realistic expectations about timing. International letters can take two to four weeks each way, so a full exchange might take a couple of months. Part of the joy is the waiting.

It's okay if a pen pal doesn't work out. Not every match is the right fit, and that's perfectly normal. Some pen pal friendships last decades; others fizzle after a few exchanges. Both are okay.

Consistency matters more than perfection. You don't need beautiful handwriting or poetic prose. You just need to write. Your pen pal wants to hear from you, not a polished version of you.

There's a reason letter writing has endured for centuries. It's one of the most human things we can do - to take time out of our day to say: I was thinking about you. Here are my words.

If you're looking for letter writing supplies to get started, we have everything you need: letter writing sets and wax seal kits to stickers and washi tape for decorating your envelopes. Happy writing!